The Chronicles of the Black Pack – Pt. 3

Here’s part 3 of The Chronicles.  Who’s next in their romantic issues?  We’ve seen how the 4 of them got up with one another, Rob’s inability to commit, James’ sour luck, and in part 3 we’ll learn more about one of these men…

Part 1

Part 2

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Andre and I were closer friends just because of our circumstances of how we met and the fact that we came out in the same year.  So when I checked my watch that Saturday, he knew exactly what that meant.  “Maria got you that watch, so that must mean it’s Maria time.  How’s that goin’ for you; you gon’ drop down and pop that question sometime soon?  I got the hos ready to go for the bachelor party man, I just need you to let me know when.”  He gave me a nudge, which, because of his large, athletic frame can still knock a man over, and grinned like a Cheshire cat.  I know that Dre, Rob and James think that I’ve got this amazing relationship or something.  They have this idea that Maria and I were the paradigm of a good relationship – the truth is we just try.  That’s really it.  It helps that she can come around the fellas and talk some shit with the best of them, though.  “Dre, if I put the handcuffs on, then you niggas better throw me a damn good bachelor party.  I want a fountain of strippers.”  I got up, we all shook hands, and I headed to pick up Maria from her Sandy Springs apartment.  As I hopped on 75/85, I wondered why Andre seemed so interested in me and Maria.  “Jazzy Belle” by OutKast blasted from my iPod, and as I bobbed my head to the soulful song, I thought back to the last time Andre and I spoke about his love life a few weeks ago.

“Yeah, so I was in San Fran doing reporting for a game, and I’d gotten an invite to a little post-game party in this hotel.  I knew I had to pull out the best fit I had – I still remembered what those pros had told me during training camp about the post-game parties and attire.  As soon as I walk in, I see the guy who sent me the invite – he got drafted a couple of rounds ahead of me, but we both got cool during rookie camp and stuff.  Anyway, he points out that there’s been this girl eyeballin’ me since I walked in.  We all know the deal – I’m only in town for a night, I’m gonna have a couple drinks and I’m gonna enjoy myself.  If that means I end up hittin’ somethin’, then so be it.  I felt like having that old school no strings, face down ass up with Luke in the background like I’m back in high school type of night.  So I stroll up to Brandy, who was a beautiful chocolate girl in a dress that just fit her perfectly and she just looked like something amazing.  “You new in town?”  I told her I’m only in town for the night, and she gave me a look up and down.  I’m not out of shape, just because I don’t play in the league anymore don’t mean I’m not still keeping good care of myself.  So she asks what position I play, and I tell her I used to be a running back but now I do the news.  She got that sad look on her face, asking why I’m out of the league so fast and I told her a little about me messing up my leg in my first training camp.  She made a comment about how at least I’ve got a job in this crappy economy, and I told her she’s right – if I didn’t land this job I’d have to go back to Miami and do my Black Tony Montana thing to try to make ends meet.  We got to laughing and then we definitely got to drinking.  We found a little part of the suite that was more private, and we were all on the couch getting close.  She asked me where I’m staying, and I’m down the block.  She says she’s got a room and since I’ve been drinking, she wants to make sure I’m safe.  Man it was like somethin’ clean out of a porno.  I handled business that night, like it was a dive play and I’m goddamn Jerome Bettis.  Woke up, came home, but it’s starting to get old doing this stuff.  It may keep me young, but I’m not Hugh Hefner – I’m going into my late 20’s and haven’t really had a lot of meaningful relationships.  I always just kinda got what I wanted – I was a winner, man.  Now I kinda wanna wine and dine a chick because I like her, not her pussy.”  All I could say was, “If Rob was here, he’d tell you that you need a tampon and the Sex in the City movie with all this whining.”

Andre’s background presents an interesting dichotomy.  He was always the jock – the best athlete in high school and he ran the school, he was one of the best running backs in Blackwell history, and I already told you about how we had the campus.  And he went to the league – he was on top of the world.  He could have any woman he wanted, and since basically 14 he’d done just that.  He didn’t really want that long term relationship – he liked dealing with women as ass.  He wouldn’t do ‘em dirty like Rob might, but he was very upfront with why he was talking to a girl.  There was no leading on, he was talking to her for only one reason.  But it seems that recently he’s after a little more, and hopefully it’s because he’s sowed his oats enough.  I guess you can’t be a one night guy all the time – after awhile you do want to have that stability.

The Chronicles of the Black Pack – Pt. 2

The WORLD PREMIERE of “The Chronicles of the Black Pack – Part 2″ is right here and right now.  What part of Dre, Mike, Rob and James will we learn about here?  Who will they mess around with?  Who will have success?  Let’s find out…

Part 1

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Andre and I were juniors in college when James was a freshman and Rob was a sophomore.  We all happened to stay in the same freshman dorm, Raymond Hall.  We had a reputation in Raymond to always be the best dorm – keep the girls coming in, have the best step team, and have the coolest guys on campus, period.  Some of the other dorms didn’t like that, and Andre and I became friends when a rival dorm, Jones Hall, tried to invade our dorm.  I was the tactician and Andre was the muscle, being an up-and-coming football player.  We kicked those Jones guys asses that night so badly that the RAs didn’t even bother reporting us – they were proud we defended our home turf.  The following year, he and I wanted to stick around Raymond to keep that tradition going strong of being the best on campus, and Rob emerged as a dorm leader early.  He had a silver tongue and it was so powerful that he could convince nearly anyone of nearly anything.  He didn’t pay for anything, ever.  Considering that we went to one of the best HBCUs in the country, I was always shocked that Rob skated through with ease just using his gift of gab.  Rob dominated the speech and debate circuit, as well as both the political science and philosophy departments of Blackwell College, as Andre really turned up his football career.  I took the education department by storm, and by the time James arrived, we were some sort of a trio on campus.

By my senior year we had our hands in a lot, though by no means were the most powerful or influential guys on campus.  We simply stuck to our strengths and dominated wherever possible.  James really entered the business department and academically, we were the top men in our fields.  Andre, Rob and I all felt the urge to continue that bond with Raymond, and we happened to vibe well with James.  Rob and James went back and forth back then, which wasn’t surprising considering Rob’s aggressive northeastern demeanor and James’ laidback Midwestern attitude.  James had a way of letting things roll off of his back, and he’d ask me sometimes, “Matt man, why didn’t Rob ever come after you?”  I’d tell him, “Because Dre and I made it clear early not to fuck with us.”  And Rob messes around, but he never did fuck with us.  Nevertheless, after we all graduated we stayed in Atlanta.  I’m a native of Decatur, and entered the Atlanta Public School system as a 4^th grade teacher.  Andre got drafted by the Falcons in a late round and made the team.  Rob got into the top law school in the city and is about to finish his 3^rd year.  James just last year got that great job I was talking about earlier, and in a wild twist, we all stayed in Atlanta.

1. She got so boring to me – I was just tryin’ to enjoy the night, you know?”

The penny dropped on this poor girl; Rob had gotten too close and got frightened.  Nobody’s history is usually very exciting – anybody who’s been on a date can tell you that.  You feign interest because it’s common courtesy, and if you’re really intrigued in your date’s story then you probably already liked them and wanted to know more about them.  I can’t say I haven’t been bored on a date before, but with Rob it was always the same.  He had a magnetic ability to attract beautiful, intelligent women routinely, but he just can’t seem to commit.  It can happen to any of us, for any given reason.

“After that boring-ass dessert – I ain’t even enjoy my cake – we rolled back to the crib.  She whispered in my ear, ‘Will you make love to me?’  I told her I’d take care of her, and beat it out the frame!  Ha!  She left the next morning and I haven’t talked to her since.  She’ll be aight.”

Rob was a fool, but his love life is an accurate reflection of his life in total.  He wants to hold all the cards, make all the moves, and he does the fucking – not the other way around.  And his way with words has helped him do that every single time.  But James’ astonishment never ceased with how Rob treated his vast amount of opportunities.  He took a swig of his beer to wash the taste of shock out and said, “You are tripping.  Hard.  You keep on having quality women come your way and you fuck them – literally.  I’m not even getting quality women, while you get all-around bad bitches all the time.  Something is wrong with you, bruh.”  I could see those two about to go back at it like normal, and Andre just kept on enjoying the fights, like a true spectator of two gladiators in the ring.  My phone started buzzing, and I had a little appointment right then.  But that’s how the four of us operated, and we enjoyed every minute of it.

The Chronicles of the Black Pack – Pt. 1

For all those who haven’t read Part 1 – here’s the first section of my newest short story, “The Chronicles of the Black Pack.”  A little bit like an all-black male Sex in the City or Entourage.  Read and comment!

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We’ve all had awkward moments.  We’ve all had great moments.  We’ve all had rough patches and bright spots.  From saying to a chick that you love her when she’s not that into you, to getting that promotion you’ve been wanting for a long time, to the birth of your first child.  They make everybody feel different ways, from elation to consternation.  But we’ve all gotta get those feelings off of our chests.  You gotta express yourself.  Some people go to a shrink; that’s cool, but many people live off of their friends.  Their close buddies who are down for them and have their back.  So when these feelings climb up on you, sometimes you just need to go be with the fellas and talk a little shit, you know?

Here’s a fair description of one of my boys.  James was never the smoothest guy you meet, but he was so damn nice folks appreciated his presence.  How often do people meet a genuinely well-intentioned black man with a job?  And not some rinky-dink job at the supermarket, but one of those high-paying jobs?  Ain’t too many cool accountants, trust me – I went to college with a bunch of accountants-in-training, and most of them were anal bastards more concerned with crunching numbers than the real world.  Guy always looks sharp, always has a smile on his face, he’s so damn appreciative of his chances in the world that he beams happiness.  It’s a wonder he’s still single – sounds like a catch of the damn decade.  But every time James comes and tells the rest of us some story, it never ends well.  Sometimes he gets a goodnight kiss; he’s had some successful dating but by and large for the type of guy he is, he should be getting all kinds of attention.  We gotta work on his radar or somethin’, because this just isn’t fun to listen to.  We can always hear the doubt in his voice when he talks about himself in the social sense because of his lack of success with the ladies.  Here’s an example – the four of us met up for lunch last Saturday at this spot in Little Five Points as it just happened to be when all of us were in town.  A couple of beers later, we were shooting the shit like we used to in college when James said he wanted to tell us about his date.  He’s only 22, so we expect something reminiscent of our good ol’ days.

“Yeah, I set everything up to the 9’s.  Big, fancy restaurant that had a great menu, music was on point – the works.  She was lookin’ just delicious, and my jaw damn near dropped when she came to the car when I picked her up.  She asked if it was cool if she got the lobster, I told her she can have any crustacean she wants.”  That was James, alright – going all out on the first date without expecting more than maybe a second date.  He really was just trying to have an enjoyable experience out.  “So the wine starts flowing, and we both loosened up and got to talking.  She asked me about my career – I tell her that I love being an accountant but it’s boring as hell to talk about, like watching the leaves fall off the trees or something.  I ask her about her job, she says she’s a waitress slash model slash actress slash singer slash songwriter, one of those entertainment types.  I can tell right away she’s got that fast paced lifestyle, and I’m not in that kind of life but it’s whatever, you know?  So she says to me a little later that she’s not sure if I can handle her lifestyle – that I’m a straight-laced, family-type, good guy.  She thought I wanted a serious commitment.  Mind you, this is date one, but ok.  I decided I’d play with her head, and told her I ain’t say a thing about commitment. “

We all looked at each other like, “This nigga is putting 100 on 10 right now – no way he said any of this.  Let’s see what kind of story he comes up with.”  James doesn’t have that much bravado, that much boldness to bark up that tree.

“She didn’t see it coming, and was saying how she thought I was gonna start talking about wanting kids or some shit.  I looked dead at her and said, ‘Fuck them crumbssnatchers, it’s not my time for that and I’m tryin’ to have a little fun.”  Now we all really knew James was lying – he’s been looking for Miss Right and would love to settle down and have a family.  This story was becoming just that, a story.  I guess he was tired of striking out and wanted to try to get some sort of success, if this was indeed true.  “Katrina didn’t see any of this coming, I’d flipped the script on her ass somethin’ special.  To finish the night, I glanced at her and told her there’s a spot in my bed with her name on it and don’t make it keep waiting.”

The smile on his face after he said that line was real.  It wasn’t that goofy, “haha I’m joking” smile, he really might have done this.  James Turner may have popped off a one night stand.  The looks on the rest of ours faces was straight bewilderment.  The Midwestern transplant to Atlanta became Andre – the Miami native who was the king of one nighters.  All I could say was, “Damn man!  All this time we thought your balls hadn’t dropped!”  James just looked around at our stunned faces (this was the first time he’d ever done something like this and we’ve known him for 5 years), and said, “I tried something new my nig, and it worked out.  I can’t believe I did, but it paid off ‘cause Katrina put it on me.  She messed up my mattress!”

Robert piped up, tired of hearing what he thought was James’ tall tale.  “Quit talking all that bullshit, we all know you didn’t do any of that.  When she called you on it, you probably just said ‘Yeah, but I can be spontaneous!’  Face it, you do the mushy stuff.  That chick had you pegged with a quickness.”  Robert’s skepticism is always tangible, which is why he’s going to be one hell of a defense attorney.  But he knew how to tease James like a schoolyard bully.  “I wonder how fast you came – right before she kissed you or right before she touched your dick.”  We all laughed, disrupting some of the “polite” conversations that the other people at the restaurant might have been having.  Those annoyed patrons turned around to see four black men enjoying themselves without being drunk or doing something illegal – a shocking sight indeed.

“I’ll have you know she came before me, thank you very much,” James uttered.  Robert retorted, “Came like came to your bed?  ‘Cause I know you didn’t make it work; you probably messed up your pants on the way home.”  These two continued their back and forth, much to me and Andre’s enjoyment, and I was reminded of our college years.  We were much, much worse back then.

Starting off with a BANG!

Facebook tagging limits my audience.  And let’s face it people, some of the stuff I’ve written needs to have a wider audience.  So starting today, right now – I’m expanding the people who can read my work and interact with a man of insight and social critic.  We’re gonna start this off with a bang like I’m DDP (old wrestling reference #1), and here’s how: First, I’m going to release Parts 1-3 of my short story, “The Chronicles of the Black Pack,” which will be the first time WORLDWIDE that parts 2 & 3 get released.  And in true fashion, I will deliver a brief, albeit morose, viewpoint on the biggest event in my life to date  – graduation.  Read, enjoy, comment, and spread the news – Mr. Philosopher has hit the blogging scene.

“The truth will set you free but first it’s gonna piss you off.” – Alec Baldwin courtesy of Gloria Steinem.