BET Awards = Bucoonery
I don’t have to remind anybody who’s Black that tonight was the BET Awards…of which I proudly saw 20 minutes of. I used Facebook to find out what happened, and you know what the first major event I saw was?
Yeah, Eddie Levert saying “shit” on live television while giving a Michael Jackson story. And when I finally turned on the BET Awards after finishing watching The Bash, I see Taraji P. Henson attempt to give out an award…when Tyrese jumps out, acting like Jodi from Baby Boy, and Taraji and Tyrese get into character fake arguing, much to the crowd’s delight. All this on a damn awards show. But wait, it gets better! Ving Rhames, you know, the “Guns and Butta” man from Baby Boy comes out and gets on the mic. He asks the audience to say, “Guns is Michael Jackson” and have them repeat it after him like some sort of dumbass mantra, then says, “Guns is the BET Video Awards show!” And tries to have the crowd repeat that too. I’m not gonna lie, I didn’t think he was in character, I thought he was just drunk. Then, he reminds the audience that the butta is “those bitch ass awards shows.” I’m pretty sure someone got fired for the Eddie Levert comment, but he wasn’t quick enough on the trigger either, bleeping out “ass” rather than “bitch,” a word that BET does its best to eliminate from its programming.
BET Awards 09, celebrating the finest and possibly THE finest performer/singer/lyricist/entertainer in history, Michael Jackson, apparently bumble it up at every turn. If it was up to me, there wouldn’t have been any damn awards tonight. Fuck awards, we celebratin’ MJ tonight! Without him, nobody in that room deserves an award, except the O’Jays. Oh, here’s how the rest of the segment with Taraji, Tyrese, and Ving went:
While Ving and Tyrese fake argue in the background, Taraji announces the winner of the Viewer’s Choice award – T.I. and Rihanna for Live Your Life. One’s incarcerated and the other wasn’t there, so guess who got to receive the award. You got it, Tiny. That’s right, Tiny. Yeah, her goddamn name is Tiny. First of all, you don’t get to thank nobody – YOU didn’t win anything! Secondly, get the hell off the stage. And thirdly, I didn’t hear any nominees for any kind of awards. What the hell kind of award show just gets right to the winners? That’s why people are Grammy Award nominated and put that in their folder, and BET Award nominees don’t even damn know their nominated.
I’m watching this like a damn car wreck: I’d love to just stop watching but it’s too much of a spectacle not to watch. And there is the problem. Everybody watched the show, not for the winners, but to watch the buffoonery unfold and mix with the everpresent BET coonery and combine to be 3 hour public bucoonery, making black people look worse every damn minute. Mind you, this is with 20 minutes of actually watching and damn near all of my Facebook friends constantly updating their statuses, like a big ass conference call. Everybody watched that travesty unfold like a bad mystery movie plot where we already knew whodunit in the first 30 seconds of the movie. I’ll tell you whodunit – BEfuckingT, that’s who.
Nevermind that MC Lyte was back in a damn DJ booth when she’s actually one of the brighter people in that room, no, let’s let that one go. Nevermind that apparently Ciara’s performance was garbage with her singing offkey, we can let that one go. Nevermind the lack of nominee announcements, the lack of tribute to MJ, I want to know why in the hell are we so enthralled with this crap! Wyclef himself said he came from a shack to the ghetto to the mansion, so we can all do it! Hurray, way to promote an overly sensationalized monetary fixation that’s already been superimposed on Black people (layman: way to keep tellin’ niggas to go get that dough, and then tell ‘em no excuses so they find any means necessary) so that they can shuck and jive, throw a ball, catch a ball, kick a ball, dunk a ball, shoot a ball, sing, rap, produce, etc…but of course since it’s the BET Awards the only person in there who didn’t make a living doing any of those things or being the wife of someone who’s doing those things is motherfucking Al Sharpton!
I’m not the only one who didn’t like the damn Awards show. Seems like everybody’s Facebook status was set to “BET is garbage” in some form or another. Sad part, come next June, at BET Awards 10, a) Somebody will think it’s their 10th annual award show, and b) Everybody who hated tonight’s show will watch it/Facebook it/Twitter it/Whatever the new social networking site is it and get mad all over again.
And Joe Jackson is truly a dick (though we’ve all seen the Jacksons movie and already knew that):
Someone once told me to write a book called “My People, Why?” I’m scrapping that title and going with, “On Why I Hate Blax by a Black Man.”