Philosophy of Sex – On Head Part 1

A couple of years ago, I was listening to the radio in my car when a song came on that had the popular Atlanta upbeat tempo and 2 Academy Award winners working the mic.  Even with the words edited for radio content, I knew right away what the hook was: “I love having sex but I’d rather get some head.”  And with the DJ Unk created beat and the normal dark melody used by Three 6 Mafia, I knew it was a hit.  I downloaded the song later that night and still turn up the iPod if it comes up on my shuffle.  I am a huge fan of Three 6 Mafia, but all that aside there’s a huge philosophy of sex issue here.  Does one truly love having sex, but in the end would prefer just receiving oral sex?

In doing research for this little project, I noticed just how many songs articulate the preference for head over intercourse and how many of them are actually hits.  Just in years past, we had the Ying Yang Twins’ “Georgia Dome,” which could be where the colloquial term, “Dome,” originated.  Then we have Cam’Ron featuring Lil’ Wayne with “Suck or Not,” which features lines like, “Got somethin’ for ya face, fuck Proactiv,” and “Would you like a tissue/you gon need it for the cum in your nose baby girl cuz you’re suckin my cock.”  Lyrical genius, I tell you.  Of course, the aforementioned “I’d Rather,” has a brilliant line, “She told me she was hungry/So I told her she could come/And I didn’t feed her nothin but some dick and bubblegum.”  Again, beautiful lyricism from DJ Unk.  And most recently, Plies, “Becky,” which also has a quality line, “Keep that pussy/I want yo throat.”  From the female perspective, we’ve had Khia’s “My Neck, My Back,” which has an emphasis on oral sex and oral-anal sex (ass-licking, for those who couldn’t put it together) and features the line, “Then you roll your tongue/from the crack back to the front/then suck it off til I shake and cum.”  Lil Kim’s “How Many Licks,” was not evasive in its content, by any means, featuring, “He used to like me to spank him and cum in his mouth.”  Even Missy Elliott with, “Work It,” had some praise for the oral sex, “Go downtown and eat it like a vulture.”  Let’s face it folks; there’s been a lot of songs that showcase oral sex as pleasurable and at times preferable to sexual intercourse.

I’d also be remiss if I didn’t mention the aptly named, “Put It In Your Mouth,” by Akinyele, which was probably my first introduction to oral sex music.  And things haven’t changed – people are still making music about getting something sucked and licked.  So the question has merit – is it better to get head than have sex?

I think I’ll address this from a few perspectives.  First, I’ll defend the theory that it is better to get head for some practical reasons and some physical ones, and even a couple of psychological ones.  That’s what Part 1 is for.  We’ll see how I develop this theory as I go through multiple parts, but we’ll begin with the defense of oral sex as better than intercourse.

BE ADVISED – When I say intercourse, I’m referring (perhaps unfairly) to non-oral sex, in my mind, involving penetration.  Certainly there are other forms of intercourse (mammary, back of the knee, with foreign objects, etc.), but for men when I say intercourse I refer to them penetrating (or in the gay male’s case, possibly being penetrated), and for women when I say intercourse I’m referring (yes, from a heteronormative point of view) to primarily penetration, but for all intents and purposes for those of you reading this – when I say sexual intercourse in general I’m referring to men pumping or being pumped into, and for women the multitude of ways they can have non-oral sex (which include the heterosexual sort, and that’s where my emphasis will be placed).  ALSO, and this is a key point, I’m not referring to oral sex as foreplay but as a sexual end of itself – you’re going to bust a nut in this comparative example.  So keep that in mind when you see my comparisons.

The easiest practical reason why head is actually better than intercourse is that it’s a completely selfish thing and both parties understand this.  When a man or woman is getting head, there is absolutely no concern for their partner’s pleasure.  They are completely engaged in the pleasure they’re getting and loving every moment (if their partner is handling business, that is).  When Josh is getting good head from his partner, there are no concerns about the partner’s pleasure – in fact, the goal of the entire endeavor is for Josh to get one off.

Compare this to sex, when (good, at least) partners are genuinely endeavoring for mutual pleasure.  They’re not solely after their own nut, but they’re after their partner’s nut also.  The goal is for everybody to win, and that means you have to put in work and move in sync and heave and thrust and ride and sweat, etc.

The next set is the psychological aspect, and this is certainly (like most of my work) is up for debate.  As I spoke with some friends on their opinions of receiving oral sex, the guys especially mentioned how good it feels to look down and see a (in their case woman, but I imagine it still holds true for gay men) partner sucking their phallus.  It’s empowering apparently, and feeds into the “well-known” male ego.  I imagine the same thing goes for women, to a certain extent.  Looking down, seeing someone work your genital region; they’re in a submissive position.  Their only job is to pleasure you – they’ve been transformed into a sex toy that happens to be a real live person, and you have them under your control.  You tell them what to do, all for your pleasure.  You tell them what you want, and it’s their job to give it to you.  In a sense, they’re yours.  And that, for some people, helps get them off.  So again, the sheer positioning of the person, physically beneath you or on their knees, helps get people off in a way you can’t get with basic intercourse.

In the end, my pleasure is all that matters in this sexual act.  All I have to do is sit back and relax, give a few pieces of advice that might help me get some pleasure, and enjoy the time.  On the flipside, when going with full blown intercourse, I have to be in tune with my partner, have to try to give my partner pleasure, and we’re both trying to bust one off.  Just from a purely selfish standpoint, isn’t it better to just receive pleasure rather than try to give and receive?

Part 2 will give the counters to part 1, but what do you all think – is head actually better than sex?