Mr. Philosopher: The Ignant Intellectual

Saying What You're Scared To…

Pissed Off Pontification: Lazy B!tch Syndrome

I’m tired of it.  There is a mentality that’s growing among us all and it threatens to ruin the fabric of everything good about human life.  Much like a rotten apple, those purveyors of the…condition infect others with its allure of a better life for others.  Nobody is immune to its charms, much like the devil convincing a poor soul to do his bidding.  Truly, this condition is like a plague – if it is allowed to continue to spread, we will be overrun by these wasteful fools and life as we know it will end.

What could cause all of this calamity, you ask?  Why, it’s simple…

LAZY BITCH SYNDROME.

Yes, Lazy Bitch Syndrome, or LBS for short, is everywhere and spreading.  People of all shapes, sizes, colors and creeds are becoming lazy bitches.  What exactly is a lazy bitch, you ask?  Someone who refuses to work themselves into independence and prefers to rely mooch off of another person or persons.  Here’s an illustrative example:

Person A lives in the basement of his parents house at an adult age.  He’s there because he couldn’t find work but since moving into the basement, he doesn’t contribute to much of anything.  After 3 months, he hasn’t found a job and hasn’t tried to in good faith, he doesn’t help with any housework, and his parents still feed him.

Person B lives in the basement of his parents house at an adult age.  He’s there because he couldn’t find work, but he’s been actively trying to find a steady job while working nights part time as a bar back.  It’s not much but he still appreciates the work and his parents appreciate his earnestness on his job search.  He’s still not much of a household contributor, but he’s not home all that often – he’s out trying to make something happen so that he can get back on his feet.

Person B is out here trying to make it work.  He knows that having some sort of job is better than none and isn’t taking advantage of his parents – he’s trying to make money so that he can get out of his parents house at some point in the near future.  It’s certainly not the most ideal situation, but he’s making the most of it in a positive way.

Person A is a lazy bitch.  He doesn’t do shit but eat up food he isn’t working for and take advantage of his parents generosity.  If you can’t work, you clean!  You do something!  That’s the essence of LBS  – not wanting to do shit…ever.  Person A isn’t interested in doing shit else but not doing shit.  He wants to do that like it’s his job.  People who aren’t interested in doing shit might have caught LBS and it could be in its contagious phase, so watch out!

Seriously though, the prevalence of LBS is frightening.  I’m not talking about housewives who are working with the PTA, volunteering, doing hair on the side, or focused on raising their kids and keeping a steady house – they all get up and have things to do and they want to do them and it contributes to the greater community.  But the housewife that wakes up and drinks a glass of wine while watching her stories and then shops for 2 hours and calls the nanny to see how the kids are doing every day?  You’re a lazy bitch!

I’m not talking about the men who are unemployed but hustle to gather up some sort of funds to help keep a roof over his head.  But the men that purposely take advantage of the people in their lives to take care of them so they don’t have to get a steady job?  You all are some lazy bitches!

My cousin Chris told me a story earlier today and it exemplified how LBS can even be generational, which means the fight might already be lost.  He’d heard of somebody who was living with too many people in the house at one time, and come to find out it’s a guy, his baby mama and her 2 other children…then her mother and her mother’s younger daughter came to live with them.  After saying, “Damn,” he told me that the baby mama doesn’t work and the mother has a job but doesn’t contribute to the house.  First thing I said was, “That’s generational LBS right there.  Baby mama don’t wanna work and the mama don’t wanna contribute and both of them just wanna live for free.  That’s generational shit right there.”  Truly, that’s how LBS can show itself across the generations!  Who the hell lives with someone without contributing to the house?  Especially if it ain’t your house!

Lazy bitches come in all kinds of forms, folks, do not be fooled because they will tempt you – they’ll lie and say they won’t be lazy or their laziness is a necessary evil!  They’ll tell you that everybody acts like this!  These people aren’t to be trusted with your future – always listen for somebody who wants to grow up and not do shit.  They have tipped their lazy bitch hand and let you know that they’ll be mooching off of you for as long as possible while providing the most minimal of returns.  And don’t marry a lazy bitch because you’re stuck with him/her for life!  Please believe me, I’ve met some of the laziest bitch men on this side of the Mississippi, this has nothing to do with gender because anybody and everybody can succumb to being a lazy bitch.  Think of the perks:

- I don’t have to do shit,

- Someone takes care of me and even encourages me not doing shit,

- Whatever money I make is all for me because I’m being taken care of (so I refuse to contribute to the house),

- As long as I’m being enabled, it’s a free ride and there are ways to help keep me enabled (AKA putting it down in some contexts).

I’ve heard it before and actually seen a man get the perks of being a lazy bitch – he told me all he did for this woman was give her some good sex and she legit took care of him and gave the motherfucker an allowance.  He was tempting me into becoming a lazy bitch myself!  I saw the benefits!  Televisions, games, car, well-fed, everything.  But I couldn’t succumb to being a lazy bitch.

But even now, I can’t deny the allure of not doing shit, so I can only imagine how tempting it is for all of us to become lazy bitches.  But I implore you not to give in to that temptation and to live to DO SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE WITH YOURSELF!  Be productive in the world rather than a human-sized leech.  That kind of ridiculousness must end and it must end now with each of us taking a personal pledge not to be a lazy bitch and to fight off lazy bitches and rid ourselves of them, forcing lazy bitches to deal with one another and ultimately either cannibalize themselves or develop out of being lazy bitches and into productive members of society.

February 25, 2013 - Posted by | Pissed Off Pontifications | , , , , , , , ,

1 Comment »

  1. I am laughing so hard at your observation: “That’s some generational shit right there.” Also, the idea that we need to “fight off lazy bitches” is hilarious because the best humor comes from pain. I have a sister with LBS but never knew it until just now!

    Comment by sheekymeetis | December 29, 2013 | Reply


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