It’s the end of July and we’re entering the hottest parts of the summer (though July was ridiculously hot this year). And we all know that stuff happens because it’s hot and that’s reason enough. So here are a couple of IGNANT stories to finish out July’s IGNANT Fridays! (By the way, @mrphilosopher3 is always hunting for an IGNANT story for IGNANT Fridays – where y’all at?)
In honor of my friend Judy, who currently resides in Nashville and looks down on Memphians due to their reported “level of ratchetness,” I will recount something I saw the last time I was out at a Memphis club. Was it ratchet? No, this ain’t Ratchet Fridays. Was it IGNANT? Hell yes.
I’m in the club with a buddy of mine who happened to be in town for a few days and said he wanted to hit the town up. I said I knew about a place that was doing Two Dollar Tuesdays ($2 entry until 11, $2 drinks all night) and I hadn’t been, but it’s two bucks so what’s the worst that can happen? We walk in, get a couple of beers, and survey the crowd. This was the first incident in the summertime that reminded me that I’m too old for some places. It looked like everybody just graduated from high school in there. But that’s not what’s IGNANT about this club. Oh no, I saw two very IGNANT moments.
IGNANT MOMENT #1:
There was a girl in here who looked legitimately 16 years old. She’s doing a whole lot while she’s dancing, like dropping down on all fours and popping (again, I thought to myself, “I’m too old for this place.”). She was down on all fours, doing her extra-ness, when I looked over at this older guy who had a disturbing grin on his face and a beer in his hand. He kept looking at her and I gotta be honest, he looked like he might’ve been a pedophile. He just looked a little too twisted. The shit-eating grin he had was pretty obvious and it was even more obvious what the apple of his affection was – the girl who looked like she was 16.
The young-looking girl was back down on all fours (look, I’m not a psychiatrist but she’s screaming for attention because I know that just can’t be fun) and the older man (pushing mid-30’s is what he looked like) made his move. Did he go say a word to her? Nope. Walked over and (in front of what looked like her friends) got a handful of ass. She didn’t see it coming. Her response? She looked at him like, “What the hell?”…then got back to the ass-popping on all fours. I guess the look wasn’t enough for him, as he stuck around with an even bigger grin and reached over and got ANOTHER HANDFUL OF ASS! I swear, he might have left a mark on his draws because this was probably the highlight of his month. She looked at him again, and he leaned over into her ear. They spoke about something and she went right back to her “ground and pound” while he stuck around and kept on enjoying the performance.
Sidenote: By the way, while this is all happening right in front of me and my boy, to our right there are a pair of strippers just having the time of their life with the two lucky guys they chose for the night – and all of them look barely 18. Just another image of this place.
Anyway, the pedophilic man and his young-looking prey had a final, IGNANT encounter. She continued her performance and he just couldn’t take it any longer. The look on his face was like he was about to bust a nut and this would get him over the hump. He reaches around and gives her a pussy tap!!! Not sure what that is? He literally reached around with two fingers and gave her vagina a tap. She looked at him again, angrily, and finally got up and went to her friends. The older man walked away satisfied, literally and figuratively. And let the church say, IG-NANT.
IGNANT MOMENT #2
Later on in this club, I noticed a young man dancing with a young woman. Now, if you didn’t know, in clubs since the mid 90’s, dancing has been grinding. And over the years, the young folks really upped the grinding ante. It’s almost violent how hard they bounce on one another. All pelvic thrusting and very little conversation. Anyway, I look to my right at these two dancing in a booth. He’s standing up, she’s bent over with her arms bracing so she can deliver multiple blows with leverage. I look away for a while, scanning the room. Taking a glance back to my right, I still see them dancing…but his pants are AT HIS ANKLES!!! Yes, he was sagging so hard and she was going so hard and he was going so hard that his pants fell and he didn’t blink. Less fabric = more friction so he was loving this, I’m sure. Turns out he had on some basketball shorts underneath his pants, but to go so hard that your pants hit the ground and you don’t stop dancing at all? That’s IGNANT.
That’s the end of IGNANT Fridays for July, and with my return to Memphis on the horizon…there’s plenty more ignance to see and report. Remember, I want your stories for IGNANT FRIDAY! Email me (firstname.lastname@example.org), tweet me (@mrphilosopher3), comment me or if you’re my Facebook friend, FB it to me. But keep the ignance coming!